Counseling Article - June 2010

In today’s crazy world it may seem difficult to find healthy relationships. A lot of my counseling comes down to this basic human need. In their book “Safe People” Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend devote the whole book to safe and unsafe people and how to recognize them. Sometimes it is difficult as Christians to “judge” others and their intentions. I don’t believe that the Lord would have us analyzing everyone we meet to discern whether they are “safe” people or not.

However, over time we must make decisions about certain relationships. Some relationships are actually toxic for us. That is not to say the other person is bad, just bad for us. The following is a short list of things to look for in an unsafe relationship vs. a safe relationship.

1. Unsafe people are those who think they have it all together and do not admit their weaknesses
2. Unsafe people condemn us rather than forgive
3. Gossips are unsafe people
4. Unsafe people can have a negative rather than a positive effect on us
5. Unsafe people do not want to move on or grow. They want everything to remain status quo

This is by no means a complete list. I’m just giving you a few things to think about. Now here are a few traits of positive and safe people.

1. Safe people encourage our relationship with God. They see our gifts and encourage us.
2. A safe person is someone you can be yourself around. Acceptance is the key word.
3. A safe person will help us grow in love for others.
4. A safe person encourages you to be all that God wants you to be.
5. A safe person is someone you can trust with your struggles and won’t judge you.

My desire is to be that safe person. What about you? I suggest if you constantly have unsafe people in your life, read “Safe People” and make new friends.

Donna Ridge, Christian Counselor