Marriage Moments
Brian Collis

Valentine's

In January I wrote about resolutions, about married couples resolving in the new year to as it says in 1 Thessalonians 5:11 to encourage each other, build each other up. I challenged couples to resolve to get to know each better and work towards strengthening their union.

As a Valentine's day challenge I'll ask, are you two not only encouraging each other, but are you pushing each other towards personal growth and self-expansion? In this NY Times article: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/02/weekinreview/02parkerpope.html?_r=1

It says that might be one key to having a marriage that lasts. To wit: "Research shows that the more self-expansion people experience from their partner, the more committed and satisfied they are in the relationship."

I've spoken often about how my wife and I have pushed each other musically. She has grown to enjoy some heavy metal (a love of mine since middle school). Her mother is an avid fan of classical music, and as such she has led me to some opera and orchestral that I may have never discovered on my own.

While it is important to retain some interests that are your own, and it certainly isn't necessary to adopt every one of your spouse's interests, discovering new things to enjoy with each other has definite advantages. You remain separate people - but you ALSO become a couple, one flesh (Genesis 2:24)

These points of common interest can be seemingly small. Forwarding interesting articles to one another, reading a book and discussing it, dissecting a new CD together. You don't have to agree about everything, but the discussions become shared experiences, chances to bond and gain insight into each others' head and heart.

We should all be continually learning about our spouses. The human soul is infinitely complex, and it takes a lifetime to really get to know that person you've chosen to spend that life with. In the NYT article, Dr. Lewandowski says, “If your partner is helping you become a better person, you become happier and more satisfied in the relationship.” So, keep learning about each other. Keep growing together. Push each other as you go.